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Understanding the Link Between ADHD in Women and Vulnerability to Abusive Relationships in the UK

  • hmckenny1111
  • May 22
  • 3 min read

When we think about ADHD, we often focus on concentration struggles, forgetfulness, or impulsivity. But for many women, particularly those diagnosed later in life, there’s a quieter, more devastating impact that doesn’t get enough attention: an increased vulnerability to abusive relationships.

While research in the UK on this specific link is still emerging, a growing body of evidence, both globally and from UK mental health charities, is starting to paint a clearer picture. The intersection between ADHD and domestic abuse is real, and women with ADHD are often left unsupported in navigating the risks.


ADHD in Women: Often Missed, Often Misunderstood


Women are significantly underdiagnosed with ADHD in the UK. According to a 2022 report from the UK charity ADHD Action, girls are three to four times less likely to be diagnosed than boys. Many women only receive a diagnosis in adulthood — sometimes after years of being misunderstood, mislabelled, or left feeling “too emotional,” “too much,” or “not enough.”

This lack of diagnosis means that many women grow up masking their difficulties, internalising blame, and struggling with poor self-esteem — all of which can heighten vulnerability to coercive control or emotional manipulation in relationships.


What the Research Tells Us


While UK-specific large-scale studies are limited, international research offers valuable insight. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that women with ADHD are more than twice as likely to experience intimate partner violence than women without ADHD.

In the UK, data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) shows that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. When layered with the challenges of ADHD — impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity, and difficulties with assertiveness — it’s not hard to see how those with ADHD could be overrepresented in this statistic.

In 2021, UK charity Refuge reported that neurodivergent women, including those with ADHD and autism, often face barriers to recognising abuse and seeking support. Many may not trust their own perceptions or may have a heightened fear of abandonment, leading them to stay in unhealthy or dangerous situations longer.


Why Women with ADHD Are at Greater Risk


Several ADHD-related traits can increase the risk of falling into abusive dynamics:

  • Low self-esteem: Women with undiagnosed ADHD often grow up feeling “different” or “not good enough,” making them more susceptible to partners who exploit their vulnerabilities.
  • Rejection sensitivity: This makes it harder to walk away from unhealthy relationships due to a deep fear of being abandoned or unloved.
  • Impulsivity: Making quick decisions in the moment can lead to risky or unsafe situations.
  • Emotional dysregulation: Emotional intensity can be weaponised by abusers who use manipulation or gaslighting.
  • Masking and people-pleasing: Many women with ADHD have learned to hide their struggles and put others’ needs first — a pattern that abusive partners can exploit.



The Importance of Support and Awareness

One of the most powerful tools we have is awareness. When women understand their ADHD and how it intersects with their relationships, they can begin to set clearer boundaries, trust their instincts, and seek healthier connections.

Support should be ADHD-informed. Traditional domestic abuse services may not always recognise the nuanced needs of neurodivergent women — from difficulties with executive function to sensory sensitivities or struggles navigating complex systems.


Moving Forward: What Needs to Change


  • More research in the UK into the overlap between ADHD, domestic abuse, and gender.
  • Training for domestic abuse services to understand and support neurodivergent women.
  • Increased access to ADHD diagnosis and treatment, particularly for adult women.
  • Therapeutic support that integrates both trauma and neurodivergence.



Final Thoughts

If you are a woman with ADHD and you’re in or have been in an abusive relationship, know this: it’s not your fault. Your brain may work differently, but that doesn’t mean you are broken, and it certainly doesn’t mean you deserve to be hurt.

There is support out there. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and understood — both in your relationships and in how your neurodivergent mind is supported.


Resources for Support (UK):









 
 
 

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